Amazing!

I am amazed, awestruck and left marvelling at a God who allows me to cocreate with him. A God who loves us so much that He plans us from the beginning of time and gives each of us a mission. An integral part of my mission involves embracing these beautiful babies, first in my womb and then my arms. Here I am again with this beautiful child, entrusted to me, so that I can teach him to serve, know and love His God.
This little child is so perfect, so small and helpless and I can only marvel at the complexity of how he came to be. I marvel, too, at how he will develop into his own person, unique and unrepeatable. The universe will never be teh same. Welcome little Mark Joshua Paul.

Rite of Passage

Yesterday there was a funeral Mass for a lady in our parish. She has battled cancer for a long time. I didn't know her well, only to say "hello" in passing or ask how her grandchildren were. As long as she was able to she brought them to Mass with her and any church related activities. She was a beautiful example of knowing the value of a soul.
I dithered about attending her Mass as I didn't know her family at all and I've been raised with the idea that that's why we attend - to support the family. But then I was enlightened to know that it's an act of Mercy to attend. To pray for her soul. And those of the souls in Purgatory.
"May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen"

The Password Society

It has been a long time since I posted. This was not deliberate. It's taken me that long to crack my password. There's just too many in our world and I cannot keep them straight and we are constantly warned not to write them down. What's a girl to do?

Happy Birthday Super Giraffe

You are now 5 years old. You are smart and focused. You are imaginative and determined and funny. You still like to snuggle with your mama. Thomas is your best toy, then Lego, then drawing complicated picture stories. Xander, you are our best giraffe and we are so blessed to know and love you! Happy Birthday!

Alleluia!

I have been so blessed to spend the last 3 1/2 days in silence with Our Lord. Even more so by the location. The retreat facility was set on a cliff overlooking a mountain stream in the Canadian Rocky foot hills. In the near distance were the beautiful Rockies that I miss from my youth. These Spiritual Exercises were so needed (thank you St. Ignatius) and I have come away feeling refreshed and renewed, and wary. Wary, because we were warned by our director that the first 24 - 48 hours are a time in which we may face opposition to all we experienced during our retreat.
And while it was wonderful to spend all of that time in silence with Jesus and to be spiritually renewed, it is so good to be home to this beautiful family of mine. 4 small faces eagerly pressed up to mine, anxious to tell me of all of their adventures. One extra small boy who is quickly growing and learning words that ring so sweetly upon my tired ears. Words like "mama" and "aweooya"(alleluia-learnt from the Regina Caeli). One extra big boy who loves me in a way no other human does on earth. He loves me enough to let me go be with my most beloved Lord for 4 days while he watches over hearth and home and does not begrudge it. Maybe because I'm such a better wife for it, when I return home.
Thank you Lord Jesus for all of your gifts, living and reigning now and forever! Amen!!

Right! It's not about me!

After having a good talk with a good friend yesterday, spiritual guidance and an hour with our Lord, I finally remembered that it's not about me. It's about Christ first and others next.
This and a couple of other blogs, (thank you Mrs. Foss and Mrs. Bean) has led me to looking at my house and it's structure. I hate housework. I never seem to make any headway. What's done is undone within minutes. And there's so many other things that I'd rather be doing. So I just don't bother. But do I love my family and especially my husband enough to make a warm inviting home for them? Yes. So I will plug away at becoming more organized. Let's call it my Easter resolution. I'm off the computer and onto my control journal. School will also be receiving more structure, much to Becca's dismay! Here I go.
Mary, my mother, pray for us!

Bitter Sweet

My mom is dead. She died early Monday morning. Dad and I took her into Emerg on Saturday evening because she was having stomach pain - which escalated as the evening progressed. The doc admitted her and Dad and I stayed with her until after 11. She'd get a little short of breath and panic and then hyperventilate. She'd forget to breathe through her nose, where the oxygen was and it'd take awhile to talk her down. Dad and I finally went home. She called Dad in again and he stayed until 5 am at which point she sent him home.
Sunday after Mass, I stopped by. She was more comfortable, but she had some pain in her back that the meds just weren't touching. I rubbed it for the longest time. I emptied her commode for her at her request - she didn't want to inconvenience the nurses. I talked to her doctor about her depression. He told me not to underestimate how sick my mother was. I truly didn't think I was. She wanted to die, but I didn't think that her systems were ready for that yet. She asked me if I'd phoned Donald, or Allan and I said I would. I told her that we needed to talk about arrangements and what not and she said there's no hurry. This wasn't going to be "IT" and she was going to come home tomorrow. I said I'd be back that evening and I left when everyone showed up. That evening I played and read with the kids, had a bath and went to bed early. I didn't go back. I was going in the next day. I thought I had more time.
Dad phoned me at 5:30am. The nurse had checked Mom at 4:45 and she was resting easy. At 5:05 the IV alarm went off and she went into check and Mom was gone.
This week has been awful. I asked God for a consolation. And looking back He's given so many. I just didn't recognize them at the time. Dad was upset that Mom died alone - God showed me that He was there with her. I've had so many prayers offered, so many offers of help, so much food brought to me. I am so close to my Dad right now - something that's never happened before. And I'm pregnant. I'm so grateful - but I'm so sad to think of this pregnancy without Mom. This newborn without Mom. She's always been there before.
Tomorrow is the funeral. I'm delivering the eulogy, which I'll post later. God grant me the grace to do this well. To do justice to Mom. Of course, for Your Glory always. I'm so sorry for my doubt, for my anger. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief".