Surprises

We have been surprised.  Never before have I ovulated while exclusively breast-feeding.  Apparently I did and more obviously I missed it.  Truly, I wasn't paying that much attention, because I've never had to.  God has blessed this lack of observation with more than I deserve.  I am pregnant(who didn't see that coming?) and have no idea when the babe is due.  The doc suspects I'm 5 months along, but we won't know until my ultrasound on the 15th.  What has this meant?  I was so sick and couldn't figure out why no one else was getting the flu I had.  It means I continued to be more active than I would have if I'd known I was pregnant and feeling sorry for myself.  It means my pregnancy is about half done and I didn't even know.  It's very cool.  God knows what we need.

It does come with anxieties though, and I know God will look after them, but I keep wrestling them from his hands.  Poor Matthew and Mark will have shortened infanthoods.  I'll have 3 under 3.  All survivable, but still...  It's just my lack of control and my desire for it.

The children are so very happy and excited, and truly, so am I.  Each baby leaves one wondering it this is the last one and there's such a sadness in that, a mourning for a state of life that is passing.  But God in his mercy has given us another baby.  Justin glows.  He loves his babies so much.